theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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