Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
