We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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