I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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