and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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