It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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