Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I could fuck to npr.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
