There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
