is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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