babies were throwing up all over the place
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
