i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
