I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
