I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
