just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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