Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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