I'm jealous of your bromance
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just found puke in my bra..
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
