God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i already hear my dad disowning me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
