just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I need to calm my uterus...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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