whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
