i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
