dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
this will be a night to untag.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
