Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize