My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
