don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
