end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
