i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
