Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
