When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
