you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
