So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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