we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
