So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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