Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
