Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
