your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
