I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
