I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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