I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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