just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Randomize
