I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
