she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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