This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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