Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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