i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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