ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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