pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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