I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just high enough for therapy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
