Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
