too bad you live with your parents still
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
