Yo dont text me then not text me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
