can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
