I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
