everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
whose ass print is on the piano?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
