Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
