Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
