there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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