Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
