Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize