I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
