She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
