So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
