I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
