Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
