Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
