Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
