The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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