my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
